1 Samuel 7-9

This passage has caught my attention. Jane Lambert taught on it in January, and she really breathed some life into it for me. 

When the Philistines heard that Israel had assembled at Mizpah, the rulers of the Philistines came up to attack them. When the Israelites heard of it, they were afraid because of the Philistines.
They said to Samuel, "Do not stop crying out to the LORD our God for us, that He may rescue us from the hand of the Philistines."
Then Samuel took a suckling lamb and sacrificed it as a whole burnt offering to the LORD. He cried out to the LORD on Israel's behalf, and the LORD answered.
                                    -1 Samuel 7:7-9

 For some reason, I went home from Jane's message and just camped on this passage. I don't normally do that, but I just read it over and over again. Jane had explained that the word Mizpah means watchtower. It symbolizes looking toward the future, moving forward. Which is what I've been doing lately. And then wheels began turning in my brain.

The first week of the year, my church fasts and prays, so fasting was on my brain. Just prior to this passage, the Israelites had returned to the Lord by giving up their gods and idols, as well as fasting & prayer. When you look at fasting biblically, you see that it's more powerful than prayer alone. For example, when Jesus' disciples were disappointed because they encountered a tormenting spirit they couldn't drive out, they asked Jesus what had prevented them. Mark 9:29 reads, He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer and fasting." So it seems that fasting adds a punch to prayer. I could use more punch in my spiritual seeking. Check!

Fasting also prepares us. Jesus fasted for 40 days to prepare Himself for ministry. Luke has it that He went into His 40-day fast "full of the Holy Spirit" and came back to Galilee afterwards "in the power of the Spirit" (Luke 4:1, 4:14, NIV). He was empowered by the Holy Spirit after His fast. Power? Yes, I'd like some.

If you zoom out and read the passage, it's like this:
The Israelites were looking to the future in hopes of moving forward, but they were opposed by an army ready to attack them. And they're scared. But they'd been fasting and praying. So they asked Samuel to cry out to God for them. Samuel makes a sacrifice and cries out to the Lord on Israel's behalf, and the Lord answers.

If there's one thing I want, it's to hear from the Lord. To be closer to this God who IS love. And so my good friend Shimmi and I have fasted and prayed for one another for the past 3 days in order to move closer to God. In order to cast out darkness like fear and worthlessness. Because we love each other and care about the other's struggles. We've prayed for God to secure us in His love completely, to pour out his joy and favor, to deepen our faith and freedom, to bring healing.

And He has showed up. The first day of fasting was rough for me. I ended up driving home, crying. I was ambushed by feelings I didn't realize were there. But in the absence of my most common coping mechanism, eating, I prayed. I got quiet, I sought God. And He was there for me. It was like I sank into this reality of Love that just held me close.

I'm really beginning to rest in His love, His provision, without stressing out and trying to fix everything. That's huge for me. I actually went to God with my burdens and laid them down. That's always been very, very difficult for me. And now I'm doing it. And I want to keep doing it.

Praise God! Bring it on!

LOVE!

I just read this today, and it really grabbed me. I want to share it- Enjoy!
(It's a great preparation for what will be a very different and immensely wonderful Valentine's day for me. I'm excited to see just what will happen!) 

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Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Point of All Living

I love watching a herd of horses grazing in an open pasture, or running free across the wide, sage-covered plateaus in Montana. I love hiking in the high country when the wildflowers are blooming-the purple lupine and the Indian paintbrush when it's turning magenta. I love thunder clouds, massive ones. My family loves to sit outside on summer nights and watch the lightning, hear the thunder as a storm rolls in across Colorado. I love water, too-the ocean, streams, lakes, rivers, waterfalls, rain. I love jumping off high rocks into lakes with my boys. I love old barns, windmills, the West. I love vineyards. I love it when Stasi is loving something, love watching her delight. I love my boys. I love God.


Everything you love is what makes a life worth living. Take a moment, set down the book, and make a list of all the things you love. Don't edit yourself; don't worry about prioritizing or anything of that sort. Simply think of all the things you love. Whether it's the people in your life or the things that bring you joy or the places that are dear to you or your God, you could not love them if you did not have a heart. Loving requires a heart alive and awake and free. A life filled with loving is a life most like the one that God lives, which is life as it was meant to be (Eph. 5:1-2).


Of all the things that are required of us in this life, which is the most important? What is the real point of our existence? Jesus was confronted with the question point-blank one day, and he boiled it all down to two things: loving God and loving others. Do this, he said, and you will find the purpose of your life. Everything else will fall into place. Somewhere down inside we know it's true; we know love is the point. We know if we could truly love, and be loved, and never lose love, we would finally be happy. And is it even possible to love without your heart?


(Waking the Dead , 47-48)

Aslan is on the move

Thursday nights are such a blessing! I meet with some people from church, and we eat and chat and pray and worship and encourage each other. It's AWESOME!!! I'm really loving these people, and they love me. I'm so thankful.

I just wanted to share a huge blessing I got tonight. My Indian friend, Amukta, asked for prayer for me, for my next step, and they all prayed over me (they're pentecostal, so they just break out and pray all at once. In English this time, pretty swell!). After they had finished, a pastor there said he heard in his spirit God saying YES to me. YES YES YES YES!!! And he kept saying it, and we were all laughing and saying YES and rejoicing and I was so glad and crying and laughing. God is so good. He's on the move. There are changes coming, I feel it. I've prayed for it. He is faithful. I am thankful.

The amazing God thing is that on the way to small group, I was asking Jesus how to dream with Him. It actually head-&-heart-hit-me that that would require more prayer, more asking, more listening, more opening. A real alive eternal amazing relationship. And I asked how to dream. And I discovered a hurt there, and the hurt was that I doubted that He wanted to hear what I want. But He does. He revealed it in order to heal it, saying, "Yes, Beloved, I want to hear the desires of your heart. Share with Me." And so I began telling Him, in small bits, because it was pretty intense and a pretty big move for little bitty me.

So we talked about dreaming on the car ride there. I drew close.

Then He tells me yes to whatever. YES! What an amazing God we have! Hurrah for dream time! Further up & further in!

Redirection: Relationships

I've been thinking for a while about relationships, specifically of the dating/we're together kind: openness to one, compatibility, patterns, communication, needs, issues, transparency, etc. I was also seeing someone for most of March, and in his absence (he's in Colorado til June), we're each thinking things over, talking a little, and enjoying some space and a break from dating each other. I've done a lot of reflecting and redirecting, so here's a sample:


I've learned that I don't trust microwaved intimacy in dating. Just because you share really deep stuff really soon doesn't mean you really know the person or that you're committed to one another in the least. It can turn out really badly. Time heals all wounds, and this time it's been different, but overall, I think a crock pot is the better option for me.

I've learned that rushing into and out of relationships is harsh, and it leaves me in a bad place where I feel alone, isolated, unsure, and, ultimately, depressed. And somehow, I never see it coming. Sure, there's something to be said for living in the moment, but foresight is really handy at times.

I've learned that I tend to do both of the afore-mentioned things, especially in the springtime.

I've learned that I don't have to flip out if I don't know what's going to happen next. Because really, I never do. I still don't. But I'm increasingly more and more at peace with not knowing, with not having the answers.

Another thing I've learned is that I expect chaos from a romantic relationship- being in love is unpredictable and crazy and dramatic and emotional, right? Hmmm... maybe not all the time. I'm thinking that it's not the best idea to expect and look for chaos. I understand why I do this- it was a huge part of my childhood that I had to learn to live with, and so I ended up feeling a need for chaos. It's made me super adaptable, which has been both blessing and curse. But I don't want chaos as an integral part of a relationship, and so I'm glad I've seen this.

I've also learned that the word "irreplaceable" is incredibly important to me. It's come up a couple of times, most recently in small group, and it always catches my attention. I read Captivating a few years ago, and now I seem to be intimately acquainting myself with it again, only this time from the inside out.


Ultimately, this brings me back to community, to the importance of being a part of one and seeing firsthand how you affect others and how they affect you. I'm thinking that if I were plugged into and living in community with other people, it would be harder to cling to my bad relationship habits without getting called out. And seeing myself valued by others helps me value myself more. For example, a friend of mine got really protective of me when he came to my house to work on a lesson and unexpectedly found Dave, sitting on my love seat, typing away on his Mac. A few weeks later when Dave was back in Colorado, we were all out at Barley's to hear Christabel & the Jons. I plopped down next to my friend and laid my head in his lap; he massaged my face and played with my hair. After doing that for a few minutes, he announced that anyone interested in me should have to do nice things like that for 2 months before he got anywhere with me. Wow. Truly, it is awesome, and perhaps more essential than I ever believed, to feel loved and protected.